Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide

How to Co-Parent with a Narcissist

March 08, 2021 Deborah Lenee Season 2 Episode 5
Co-Parenting; Your Thrive Guide
How to Co-Parent with a Narcissist
Show Notes

This topic is a tough one especially for anyone that has parented with or been in a relationship with a narcissistic person. In determining what topic I would focus one today, I decided to talk about this subject based on feedback from multiple people on Facebook.  

I want to emphasize that I am not a therapist or counselor but I do have a ton of real world experience that I can share you with you and believe it will be beneficial.

Minimize contact

Many people that are narcissist love nothing more than to engage in psychological warfare.  Their agenda is to keep you entrenched in the relationship or to continue the manipulation, so minimizing contact with them can go a long way towards keeping the peace.  

Establish clear boundaries. 

Structure can provide our children with a safe secure buffer zone and shield from psychological trauma.  Creating a co-parenting plan can help minimize contact and help with establishing boundaries as well. 

 Get a co-parenting app

For co-parenting schedules, expense sharing, and more co-parenting apps can be a handy, low-cost (or free!) way to make co-parenting easy, plus create a document to help resolve any conflict quickly.

Maintain Emotional control

If you lose control and show angry by yelling, crying or even pleading, the narcissist will feel like they've won.    If they win, they will continue to behave in ways that get a rise out of you. Remaining as unemotional as possible is the best way to go about interacting with them. Minimizing contact is one way to be able to maintain control of yourself in front of him or her.  Vow to be calm, pleasant, and non-emotional. 

Be a Good Role Model

Your kids need to see one healthy parent. If children have at least one healthy role model in their lives, they will not only survive, but thrive.   You need to show them that although they may not be able to control their unhealthy parent's behavior, they are able to control their own. 

Look at the big picture 

A hallmark of emotional maturity is weathering life’s storms.  Focus not on the breakdowns, but the breakthroughs.  Nothing lasts forever

Do What Is Best for Your Children

A person who has narcissistic tendencies will always put their own needs first. He or she will not put the children first and will use the children as tools in order to keep you engaged and for their own agenda. Protect Your Kids

Never Give Up

Typically the narcissistic parent won't change and you should be realistic about this. Working to keep things as amicable as possible is crucial for the child's mental well-being.  This may not work, no matter what you do. Just remember that although you cannot control another person's behavior, you can control your own. The ultimate goal is your children being able to have relationships with both of their parents that are as conflict-free as possible.   Making your goal a peaceful, happy home is paramount to raising happy children even when you have a narcissistic parent.