In thinking of my resolutions for 2021 and specifically the resolutions of how it relates to co-parenting and how to be a better co-parent, I wanted to share my own resolutions and hope that it serves as a conversation starter or thought provoking for you and your own co-parenting resolutions for 2021.
1). More effective communication – which includes being calm and having clarity. In my own coparenting relationships my goal is when I am negotiating a certain “thing” or schedule that I want, it is important that I am clear about what I want and that I speak in a tone that is calm yet assertive and remain civil and not let my emotions get the best of me. Keeping in mind that coparenting is more about a partnership than it is a daily/weekly drop-ff and pickup schedules. Just because our drop off time schedules switches doesn’t mean that the love switches off with the other parent and vice versa.
2). Creating space for grace – one of the areas that I want to continually work is making more space for grace and extending grace to those around me. With the difficulty of the 2020 pandemic/politics and all the stressors in our lives it has become harder than ever give grace extended. How do I put any anger or resentment that I or you have aside and put my child first. Operating from a place of love instead of place of pettiness is a good start. Understanding that while you or I may not be the one that needs the extra dose of grace today, we may need at some point in the future.
You can choose fear or you can choose love and in choosing love you have to be committed to not judging the missteps of the other parent. It is important for the kids to see a new, different better type of love. Putting the friendship first, communicating the needs the needs of the child better and letting the focus remain there. Ways in which the children can see a new, better type of love is making sure they have group hug, or encourage the kids to call the other parent when the kids are with you. Two parents no longer together but still able to support each other, still able to show love even when. Always showing empathy “How would you want to feel as a child” just because you are not romantically together you can be better parents versus romantic partners.
What resolutions do you specifically want to work on in 2021? If you are not sure where to start you can always start with communication. All of us can learn to communicate better, to communicate with clarity and do in a calm assertive manner. Keeping the temper in check is great way to start and always giving grace extended.